Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm like, not good at living.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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