I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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