I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
