either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I need to align my fucking chakras
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
