I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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