if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
