You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
