Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
