I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
His hands were made for my vagina.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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