i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
