my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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