i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i want to swaddle you in tequila
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
