sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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