i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
