he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
