When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
