uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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