She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
