But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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