Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
