i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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