I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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