your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
