Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
how does that bad decision feel?
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