So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Will exercising make me less horny?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
