I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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