Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
