I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize