I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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