if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
