You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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