So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
