He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
