I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
