she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize