she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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