I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
