Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
