I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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