i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
