the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
