I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
