someone threw a dead crab at me
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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