i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
