You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Drunk is a universal language darling
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