Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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