OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
