You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
