Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize