I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
