does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
