apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
