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Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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