Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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