Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
