so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
