I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
