yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
