i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize