Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
