I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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