The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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