the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
