My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Welp...herpes.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
