i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
