You just made me feel so damn special
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
