I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize
