Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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