I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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