Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
