I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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